Kris’s Secret Stash Of Sexy, Soulful, Goodies
Free pleasure practices, relationship tools, books I love and my personal recommendations. Pick something that makes you go, “Ooh, I want to try that.”
Pleasure, in practice.
The Pleasure Portal
Fifteen minutes for your pleasure. I guide you through a solo practice using breath, sound and intention.
https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-pleasure-portalSex Magic
What do you really want? Bring it into a pleasure practice with this 30-minute audio and step-by-step PDF.
https://www.thepleasure.engineer/sex-magicThe Confidence Code
Try a five-minute mirror-dancing ritual in your own space.
https://www.thepleasure.engineer/the-confidence-ritualA little more connection, together.
30-Minute Tantric Date Night
Thirty minutes to slow down together. This guided date gives you and your partner time to connect and talk about what feels good for each of you.
https://www.thepleasure.engineer/tantric-date-night
Seasonal Relationship Check-In
How are we doing, really? Try relationship check-in questions to talk about what’s changed, what feels good and what you want to work on together.
https://www.thepleasure.engineer/seasonal-relationship-check-inFor your sex life, your relationships & your soul.
These are the books I keep coming back to, recommend to clients and bring into conversations. Pick the one that catches your eye. The links help you find a copy to buy or borrow.
Women's Sexuality
Pussy: A Reclamation
Regena ThomashauerWhy it’s in the collection
This is the BEST book for gaining more confidence about your pussy, learning to love her (and yourself). It's empowering as F*CK. The ideal first step for anyone looking to reclaim their sexuality.
Women's Anatomy of Arousal
Sheri WinstonWhy it’s in the collection
An exploration of anatomy, arousal and pleasure. Included in both original sexuality reading lists, with insights for partners as well.
Come As You Are
Emily NagoskiWhy it’s in the collection
An invitation to understand arousal, context and individual differences with more curiosity and less self-judgment.
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good
Adrienne Maree BrownWhy it’s in the collection
Pleasure is our power. This book argues that centering our pleasure is a political act. We can reclaim our wholeness & escape the impacts of oppression and supremacy - using PLEASURE!
Men's Sexuality
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know
Mantak ChiaWhy it’s in the collection
An exploration of sexuality and practices for men, included in Kris’s original reading list. Read with curiosity rather than expectations of a guaranteed result.
Women's Anatomy of Arousal
Sheri WinstonWhy it’s in the collection
An exploration of anatomy, arousal and pleasure. Included in both original sexuality reading lists, with insights for partners as well.
Relationships
Getting the Love You Want
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly HuntWhy it’s in the collection
Kris’s recommendation for understanding romantic dynamics and exploring ways to strengthen a relationship.
Nonviolent Communication
Dr. Marshall RosenbergWhy it’s in the collection
This is one of the most important mindset shifts to how you communicate with a loved one. Do you think of your needs as a gift to your partner? Does that sound insane to you right now? It might not after reading this book. You may find resources under this title on YouTube or local workshops.
Getting To Zero
Jayson GaddisWhy it’s in the collection
Want fewer fights? Me too. This book gets into where our conflict styles come from, the conversations we avoid and how to work through conflict with the people we love.
Wired For Love
Stan TatkinWhy it’s in the collection
Make the little things work for you. Make the little moments in life into rituals that bring you closer together. The tips in this book to make your relationship incredibly strong are unrivaled.
How To Be An Adult in Relationships
David RichoWhy it’s in the collection
It feels like all of us are always learning how to adult. But do we want our continued attempts to 'adult' to affect our relationship? Nope. Let's be better together.
Polysecure
Jessica FernWhy it’s in the collection
Non-monogamy books are not just for non-monogamy folks. Cause the number 1 thing you need to succeed in NM relationships, is communication. We can all learn a lot from those who participate in non-monogamy.
Mindfulness & Spirituality
The Power of Now
Eckhart TolleWhy it’s in the collection
So well written and so easy to understand, this book walks you through how your mind works and how to work with it. Your mind is a great servant, but a terrible master. Learn to be the master.
Sound Medicine
Kulreet Chaudhary, MDWhy it’s in the collection
Maybe this one is a little far fetched to include on this list, but because it deepened my spirituality, meditation practice, and understanding of my own physical body so much, I'll include it. It's one of my favourites.
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
Michael Alan SingerWhy it’s in the collection
This book is so simple and short and so life changing. It explains how to be free from the traps and limiting beliefs of your mind.
Women's Health
Period Power
Maisie HillWhy it’s in the collection
The best guide for people with periods who want to fall in love with their cycle and their periods. It teaches you to see your cycle in a whole new way and work with your body, instead of against it.
Women Don't Owe You Pretty
Florence GivenWhy it’s in the collection
The most amazing bathtub read—you’ll want to devour it from cover to cover. Strong boundaries and being unashamedly YOU. Yes, please.
Beyond the Pill
Jolene BrightenWhy it’s in the collection
A perspective on hormonal health and questions to discuss with a qualified clinician. Keep decisions about contraception and treatment personal and medically informed.
Tantra
Tao Tantric Arts for Women
Minke de VosWhy it’s in the collection
A complex journey into cultivating sexual energy, love, and spirit from the teachings of the Tao.
Tantra: The Supreme Understanding
OshoWhy it’s in the collection
A comprehensive guide from one of Neo-Tantra's most decorated leaders.
Urban Tantra
Barbara CarrellasWhy it’s in the collection
Sacred Sex for the 21st century - a practical book of positions and practices to try.
The Art of Sexual Ecstasy
Margot AnandWhy it’s in the collection
An illustrated book to guide Western readers step by step through the art of sacred lovemaking.
Healing, Trauma, & Somatic Experiencing
The Body Keeps The Score
Bessel van der KolkWhy it’s in the collection
A substantial exploration of trauma and its effects on mind and body. A starting point for learning, alongside appropriate professional support.
Burnout
Emily & Amelia NagoskiWhy it’s in the collection
From the author of "Come As You Are" and her sister, comes an in-depth look at burnout and how to avoid it & work through it.
The Power of Focusing
Ann Weiser CornellWhy it’s in the collection
This book supports the first steps of the embodiment journey, learning how to notice and harness your body’s sensations.
How Emotions Are Made
Lisa Feldman BarrettWhy it’s in the collection
A fascinating scientific understanding of how emotions are made with the goal of helping us manage them with expertise & ease.
My Essential Tips for Sex Toys
And the purchases I personally recommend!
1) Choose Your Material Wisely.
Your toys deserve a little discernment. Look for clearly identified, non-porous materials such as quality silicone, stainless steel or borosilicate glass, made for the way you plan to use them. Avoid porous jelly/rubber blends and unclear material descriptions: cleaning the surface does not necessarily clean what is trapped inside. Not all plastics are the same, so check the specific material rather than assuming every plastic is porous. Check for chips, cracks or rough spots before use.
2) Clean It. Always.
Never tuck a toy away dirty. Wash before and after use using its manufacturer’s method; mild, unscented soap and warm water are common starting points, followed by a thorough rinse and complete drying. For WAANDS crystal products, current instructions say to avoid boiling and extreme temperatures. Only boil a toy if its own instructions explicitly allow it, and follow their timing. Keep motors, charging ports and non-waterproof parts out of water. Store clean toys separately, ready for next time.
3) Lube Is Your Best Friend.
We love lube. There is absolutely zero shame in using it—what feels good can change with your mood, your cycle and your life. Water-based lube is a versatile place to start. Check compatibility with your toy and barriers: silicone lube may damage silicone toys, while oil-based lube can damage latex condoms. Silicone lubricant is generally compatible with condoms, so it is not a universal “never.” Choose what feels comfortable, reapply when needed and stop if irritation shows up.
4) Leave the vibe behind.
Love your vibrator? Keep loving it. There is no right way to enjoy your body. If you’re curious about something different, try slowing down with your hands or a manual tool. Notice pressure, texture and the smaller sensations you might otherwise rush past. This is an invitation to add possibilities to your pleasure, not take away the things you already enjoy.
5) You will never learn more, than with a Pleasure Wand.
I love the invitation a curved pleasure wand offers: slow down, listen, and get curious about what your body enjoys. You can explore different angles and gentle pressure without chasing a finish line. Choose a product designed for your intended use, use compatible lube and never push through pain. A wand is a pleasure tool, not a treatment for pelvic pain or trauma; those concerns deserve qualified support. For the products I enjoy, see below.
6) Yoni Eggs are powerful tools for connecting to your pussy.
You may hear them called yoni eggs, jade eggs or crystal eggs: smooth, egg-shaped objects sold for vaginal use, often made of jade, quartz or other stones. In my practice, the attraction is ritual, intention and making time to connect with your body. Some modern traditions associate them with Taoist practices, but an ancient origin and clinical benefits should not be assumed. Claims about pelvic-floor strengthening or healing are not proven. Crystal eggs can harbour bacteria, damage pelvic-floor muscles or become difficult to remove; they are not a treatment for pain or bladder concerns. A pelvic-health clinician can help you find an appropriate way to build body awareness. Product details are below so you can understand what is being sold before deciding.
7) Anal play is a powerful portal to deeper pleasure.
There is pleasure to explore here, if you want it. Start small, go slowly and use plenty of compatible lube. Choose a toy designed for anal use with a wide, secure flared base, and stop if you feel pain. Keep anal and vaginal play separate: clean the toy as instructed and use a fresh condom before moving between openings or partners. You never need to rush, push through discomfort or prove anything to enjoy your own curiosity.
Advice For Men:
Ready to explore beyond the familiar? Your prostate may be part of that curiosity, and The Multi-Orgasmic Man is one of the books I suggest above. Begin with reliable guidance and a product specifically designed for anal use, with a secure flared base. Go slowly, use compatible lubricant and let comfort lead. There is no technique or result you have to achieve.
WAANDS · Kris’s picks
Use my code KRIS10 for 10% off your next order at waands.com. WAANDS is a Canadian women-owned sex toy brand with beautiful crystal pieces. I earn a commission when you use my code. Because your pussy deserves the best!
https://waands.com/?ref=illhavewhatsheshaving
The Cervix Wand
My personal favourite: a curved glass wand for exploring gentle pressure, different angles and slow, intentional pleasure. Take your time and listen to your body.
https://waands.com/collections/pleasure-wands/products/cervix-wand
Jade Butt Plug
A luxury, high class experience for your next (or first!) anal play adventure.
https://waands.com/collections/bundles/products/indian-jade-butt-plug
Rose Quartz Yoni Eggs
Providing gentle, warm, loving energy to your yoni. Connecting your heart & your pussy.
https://waands.com/collections/yoni-eggs-1/products/rose-quartz-yoni-egg?variant=37452923863192
Amrita Wand
For G-spot pleasure, squirting, slow pleasure, & cervical pleasure.
https://waands.com/collections/pleasure-wands/products/clear-quartz-amrita-pleasure-wandTake the conversation further.
Want to keep talking about sex toys? Of course you do. Listen to the full I’ll Have What She’s Having episode for more on toys and my recommendations.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7tMOKMw3DqHPNfgAK1Dbx6?si=7e9ede07c65a42d7A little more understanding.
Where do I start with somatic and sexual healing?
Cool, welcome! There’s more to explore than I can fit here—which is why I made a whole podcast episode for the first questions I hear about sexual healing and somatic work. I explain how I work, the language I use and what you can explore with me. Start there, and bring your questions.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6JHJz2hRiTBWdPweRu4PFR?si=7e4f164d07e24031Am I broken if sex isn’t working the way I hoped?
No—you are not broken. So many of us were taught about STIs and how not to get pregnant, but very little about pleasure. That’s like teaching cooking by only explaining how not to burn the food! You deserve useful tools, room to learn and support that meets you where you are. Your worth is not measured by how sex feels or whether you orgasm. If there is pain, a sudden change or another symptom, a qualified healthcare professional can help you understand it.
Why make pleasure a priority?
For me, pleasure is a way of connecting with life-force energy: the part of you that feels, creates and wants to live fully. Hot sex can be lovely, but it’s not the whole reason to explore this work. Paying attention to what feels good, what you want and how you meet yourself can shape the way you show up in the rest of your life. Give your pleasure a little room, and see what you notice.
How do I explore feeling safer?
Feeling safe is a feeling in your body—and your actual circumstances matter, too. Try picturing a place where you feel peaceful, then notice your breathing, your heartbeat and any tension in your muscles. Practise returning to the sensations that help you settle, only if this feels comfortable. Over time, noticing what supports that feeling can help you recognise what interrupts it. You do not have to make yourself feel safe in a situation that is unsafe; boundaries, support and changes to the situation may be needed.
What if I don’t have much time?
Start with five minutes. A little ritual, a check-in, something that fits your actual day. Your pleasure gets to have a place in your life even when the calendar is full.
What if I’m unsure about spending money?
You invest in your career, fitness and the people you love. Your own pleasure, confidence and relationships deserve consideration too. Start with these free practices or borrow a book—there is no purchase required to begin. If you want personal support later, explore the coaching options and choose what fits your life and budget.
Can I explore pleasure if I’m single?
You totally can! Single, partnered, figuring it out—your pleasure and your relationship with yourself deserve attention. The solo practices are yours to explore in your own space.
What if I’ve never had an orgasm?
You are welcome here. Many people have never experienced orgasm, or only experience it in particular ways. It doesn’t mean you are broken. Try a book above or The Pleasure Portal, and remember: orgasm is not a test you have to pass. Start with sensation, comfort and curiosity rather than forcing a goal. If you have pain or ongoing concerns, qualified support can help.
I tried a practice once and didn’t notice much. Now what?
One try tells you what happened that day. You can come back another time, change something or pick a different practice. Get curious about what you enjoy, and stop if something hurts or doesn’t feel right.
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Want me in your corner? Explore private coaching with me. We’ll start with what you want and work out how to move towards it together.